Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
