Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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