so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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