I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
