So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
