you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
