farters have to be the big spoon...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
