Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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