oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
