you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
