He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
