I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
