My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Hippo gnu deer
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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