I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
