i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
