I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
