You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
