Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
