matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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