Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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