On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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