i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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