There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
