Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Randomize
