Yo dont text me then not text me
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
