Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
