So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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