a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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