It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
