wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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