i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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