when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
