Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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