I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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