If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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