I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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