I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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