how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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