That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
