you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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