1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
