If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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