My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Randomize
