cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
