dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
