She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
