she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
