make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
