we have officially lost it.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
