You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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