Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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