I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
