my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
