You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
