Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's never too late to be topless.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
