He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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