so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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