Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
