please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
