Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
