Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
