guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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