I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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