i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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