if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
