I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
