when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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