totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
