R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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