The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
