you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
