I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
