Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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