You really coming over, don't trick.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
