She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
